Once
by star-struck-imagination
Summary: Once,they believed that they were alone.Once,they made their souls grow out of their feelings so that they won't feel alone.But that has changed.They'll be forced to accept what they feel for each other 'cuz only this way will they survive the soul attack


**A/N:** I don't anything here, maybe just the story line.

Raphael and Leonardo (c) Mirage Comix

This story is for _**Mikisna**_ :D

Hope you like this... First TMNT incest fic! Beware! Very mature content!

"xxxx" - they are talking

_"xxxxx"_ - the dragons talk

_'xxx'_ - their thoughts

-j-j-j-

Song that inspired me: Once by Brad Caleb Kane

-j-j-j-j-j-j-

-j-j-j-

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><p>x-x-x-x<p>

_**~Once~**_

x-x-x-x__

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><p>"<em>Bubbles. Why can I see only bubbles? Where's the light? Where are my brothers? " <em>the faint voice barely reached his own ears as he struggled to understand where he was.

No smells or sights, just the loud pumping of his own heart and the roars and moans of a world that he couldn't see. Blue! That was all that was left for him. But where had all this started? How did he end up struggling for every breath? Why did his chest hurt and his body felt like it was going to crumble? Why did it have to be blue that he sow and not red?

Winching in pain, he reached up, his hand trying to grasp the small ray of light, as he fought to inhale some oxygen. His fingers numb both from the pain and the icy feeling of the water waved a sorrowful goodbye to the surface, more bubbles, big and small, created by the rash movement, lifted from his sinking form. No sound now, not even his heart beat, could reach his ears and, as the light started to dim, he really believed that he had gone def. Was life that cruel to him? After he had fought for both his life and the world's, he was going to die suffocated, unable to express himself to those that mattered? If he hadn't loved one particular fellow then everything could end there, but he had so much to talk to him, so he had to survive. He had to tell him, even if he was just a mere soul, the power born from the turtle called Leonardo. He WAS Leonardo!

Growling deep, another round of bubbles lifting from his mouth, the blue dragon forced his aching body to fight, to move, ignoring the sheering pain and the sleepiness that resided inside him. His fight, his life wasn't over, he still had a lot more to do. His tail slashed the water, stopping his descend, clawed fingers moving frantically, a silent struggle in the blue depths of a river. His legs pumped the water, his hands grabbed at it, chaotic movements unseen by anyone.

He tried again and again, agitating in the cold water, his muscles screaming, his bones begging him to stop, to halt his struggle, because, even if he thought that he was reaching the surface, as his lungs emptied of air, he got nowhere. He was fighting a loosing battle, his heavy body just trashing around in the river. But, as the small voices in his head started to whisper a reassuring lullaby that he identified as belonging to the dead, Leonardo, the almighty dragon, the first spirit to come out of his masters soul out of the four turtles, realized that he had already lost everything. His hand reached again upwards, a weak plea to the outside world for a savior that never seem to come when he needed one.

His mouth opened, water coming in, but no sound coming out. Nothing, but silence and cold. His focus burned away, his eyes started to close, even if he fought hard to keep them open, to wait just a little bit more for those that might have observed his absence. He felt nothing, not even the dull pain that surged his body from time to time from his wounds. Such deep wounds they were, but he should have used to save himself, because pain kept the sleep away. But he was too tired of it all. To tired to fight, to tired to wait.

"_Where are you, the one to whom I said those three little words from deep within my heart? Where are you looking for me? Did you see that I am no longer among you? Where are, my love, my brother?"_ the thoughts buzzed in his head, disappointment poisoning his heart, tears falling from his now closed eyes as he sank deeper, blue turning into black.

The buzzing in his head started to take a more distinct shape as images from both his past and his master's past appeared before him. Conversations and songs that he liked, fights, times he cried out in agony or defeat, the lessons he took oh so many times over and over again, the hurtful feeling, the futile attempts to tell Raphael how he felt, the love, the happiness, his friends, his enemies, all of it presented itself to him, all of them came to life in the dark waters that represented his coffin. They were there, all of them, and he wanted to chat with them so much, even if this would be the last time. But he couldn't, and, even if he made all of them disappear, one remained: the sorrowful face of the dragon he loved so much, the one that approached him every night in the closed cage that his master had shooed him in. Raphael shook his head and then turned his majestic red head to the surface, his nostrils flaring, as he glowed with his own inner light. This was only a dream, a vision of the one he cherished the most because he was the only one that kept his company, the only one that knew about his thoughts and desires, but it felt so real. The real Raphael was the same, but... his soul, this red, two-tailed dragon was more true to his feelings. The turtle would never tell those around him how he felt, but the dragon did. At least, Leo thought, he told him, and that was a sign of trust bigger than the words itself.

Coughing the last remains of air out of his lungs, the blue dragon growled to himself, turning his head upwards, his face illuminated by the last rays that came that deep into the water. He missed the times that he spend with Raph talking in his cage, because he never dared to come to his master's soul. He missed the times they cuddled together, unknown by those that created them out of feelings and thoughts. Those times were real to him right now, and felt like a dream when they were happening. He wished, as heart barely beat, that the two turtles would see what they really felt for one another. He wished he could tell his master that he loved Raph for what he was, even if the differences in their tempers pushed them apart. This wasn't fair.

As his body slowly but surely became numb and unusable, the memory of their first time in everything came to his mind. The first kiss, the first caress, everything, it all came to his mind as his own soul cried out in desperation, his will to live flaring up. But he could only remember. He was too broken to move, too broken to try. He still felt the warm tongue of Raph on his scales, he still felt the forceful thrust into his body and the caresses that he brought with every push. He might have been a bit brutal, his needs coming out all at once, but he was attentive and passionate. He missed those times, as few as they were, the most. He missed the feeling of their scales brushing against each other, the teeth that bit the flesh, the powerful feelings that coursed through his body at all times. The missed the feeling of being whole for the first time in so many years.

"_Raph..."_ the last word that crossed both his mind and heart as he faded to black, his consciousness disappearing.

He didn't feel the two tails that enclosed his body, pulling him up. He didn't hear the howling of a desperate soul trying to make him come back. He didn't hear anything, fearing, in his loneliness that he was making all of it up. He ignored the warmth of the air on his skin, the feeling of grass on his back, he tried to push everything away. Tears fell down his muzzle mixing with the droplets of blood that oozed out of his wounds. He wanted to be with them so much, so why was his mind trying to torment his heart with all of these?

"_Leo... Leo, wake up! Leonardo!" _ the voice of someone he knew all too well reached both his soul and his ears as his eyes fought to open, as his body jerked upwards.

He coughed, vomiting water, clawing at the earth as a pair of tails encircled his beaten up body, pulling his cold body close to a warmer one, as the possessor of this body growled and breathed hot air over his head. His shallow breathing as he gasped for air made the other one, the one that saved him, howl in relieve. Where was he now? The earth felt real, the feelings that came back and the pinching and pulling in his body told him that he was still alive, but... where was he? He couldn't believe that someone would come to get him, him out of all when the human kind, maybe all the galaxies out there, needed that someone to fight against the Shredder. Unable to move properly, Leo used the dragon, because it was a dragon, as leverage as he tried to stand up, but the tails that sustained him and that moved constantly against his scales, caressing and bringing back the feeling in his body, pushed him back, a low growl making him freeze in his attempts.

"_Idiot! Stop movin'! Yer wounds are deep enough to kill ya. I barely managed to close them. Stay there and come back to yer senses, Leo. Yer in no shape to fight... "_ the reach voice, vibrated through his back as a red muzzle appeared in his line of vision.

Tears of happiness flooded his eyes as he relaxed, nuzzling the neck of the one that risked his life, yet again, to save his. He always surprised him like that, disappearing and saving him just in the nick of time, proving to be a great support for his breaking heart. He always mended him in ways that no one knew of. His long came out, touching the small scratch on the long, scaly neck, tasting the blood there. It was just as salty and real as he remembered, and the purr that escaped the pointed head of his lover made his heart jolt with want. This was real, he was alive.

Sighting, he remained there, in the paws of the only one that could take care of him, as his other two brothers destroyed the last remains of the demon Shredder. He watched them snarl and growl, white teeth glimmering in the night sky. The deep rumble in Raphael's chest made his head turn, slowly to see that his lover that pointed his head up to the sky and that roar that erupted from deep within his stomach made the ground shake. But what made his body earn to be held by his soul mate was the site of him: red and green scales glowing in the pale moon light, illuminated by their own fire coming from within the huge body, the long teeth, white and shiny seeming to eat the moon as the roar continued to rumble from his tense body. Beautiful wings and beautiful body swaying in the light, not even once letting go, protecting him forever as he promised him all so many times before.

Leo's eyes just wandered on Raph's face, his tongue clicking in his mouth, as the red dragon finally stopped growling. Captivating honey eyes fixed themselves on his own onyx orbs , inviting and harboring a distinct feeling only he knew of. Raph was the only one that could see the same feeling deep within his heart. He could never be apart from him. If the real Raphael would ever die, the dragon Leo would die along side with him, he knew that all too well.

Once... Once, he could live without having to think about what was around him. Once, he was alone and happy being like that, or at least content with the absence of someone he could talk to, to discus with. Once, he was cold and empty. But now, now he had Raph and that was all he needed. His world was the red dragon. A small smile crept across his features as his partner winked at him turning his attention to the lying bodies on the ground and then to his vanishing brothers. He had to make Leo, his master, realize that all he needed in this life was Raphael. He had to, or he would be condemned to a life of loneliness, burned by his master's pathetic battle with himself. Raphael might be a handful, berating himself for everything, weighting the world's problems on his shoulders alone, but he was always there for Leo.

"_We hav' to go! Ye're sure ye want to try to beat some sense into yer Leo? 'Cuz, if it's like that, it'll be my pleasure to start to bite at Raph's ass to make him understand!" _the dragon Raph asked, his figure slowly disappearing, only his eyes vivid enough in the night sky.

"_Yeah... We have to, right? They made us out of those feelings, right? So we have to show these feeling to them... But, I don't know how... "_ dragon Leo dragged on, looking at his disappearing body and then at what remained of his lover.

A puff and a nod was the only response he got as they returned to their owners. They could only talk to each other when Raph and Leo were either out cold or asleep. It was a bothersome thing, but they never complained. At least, they had time to say what they really thought about a matter or talk about their feelings. Not to mention a little more than that. The only thing that made him uneasy was the darkness that existed in Leonardo's soul when he was awake. He could only watch as the events marched before his watchful eyes, but nothing more, and he had to keep all his thoughts to himself because Leo never even once talked to him, like Raph was with his inner soul. It bugged him, but he couldn't force him, or at least, he couldn't. He had decided since long ago to try and make his master aware of his own feelings. He had to, if he wanted to have a peaceful existence, or something close to that, given the fact that they were mutant turtles in a world that couldn't, won't change to understand them.

Closing his eyes, the blue dragon felt himself being dragged back to his cage and only exhaled out of frustration. This sensation, this void he felt whenever he was rushed from one place to the other, will have to stop sometimes. He had enough of the sinking, sickening feeling of this world in one night. He was created, when his master needed to become stronger, out of feelings and thoughts, and he had a conscience of his own. If the turtle didn't want to admit, then he will make him to back away till he will be forced to see what he had created and from what he had made that creation.

With these thoughts in mind, the blue scaled spirit opened his eyes to see only the pitch black of his cage. He could faintly hear the chuckles of his lover somewhere to his right, and he smiled to himself, his eye glowing with determination.

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><p><strong>-Meantime-<strong>

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><p>Huffing and puffing, coughing out blood, shaking with cold and the feeling that something had happened when they were out cold, something that they could never explain in words, both Raph and Leo looked at each other, brows furrowed, and eyes searching for an answer in the eyes of the one sitting next to him. They remembered the fight with the Shredder, their transformation, but there was something more there, a feeling of longing, something that made their stomach churn and their hearts skip a beat, but what it was, they could never phantom.<p>

"My sons! My sons, are you alright?" the worried voice of their old rat father made their eyes loose contact.

Mumbling an answer and barely standing on his feet, Raphael was the first to stand, barely breathing, still coughing. The next to join him was the blue clad turtle, who, was expected out of their leader, stood without a problem. But never once did he turn his head to look at the red ninja, afraid that, whatever was that feeling that made him uncomfortable, will come back. He didn't like to think about the possibilities that arose from those feelings, not now at least. He will think more about the obvious attraction that his brother had on him that night. Right now, his priorities were to make sure that his brothers, his family was safe.

Shaking his head, his vision being clouded for a moment, Leo turned his attention to the approaching form of his father, but, as the rat got closer, the turtle thought that distinctly heard a disapproving snarl coming from somewhere very close. Looking around him, he only sow his brothers getting up, groaning in pain or laughing it off. Maybe only Raphael... He was the only one that was looking to the ground his face darkened with worry and disgust, something he hadn't seen in a long time. His right hand reached to touch him, but he just brushed it off, not looking at Leo in the face.

There was something there, something he couldn't understand. They both felt something strange, as if their souls were fighting to make them understand something very important. Clicking his tongue, the darker turtle straitened his back and walked away from his worrying brother. This wasn't the place for them to dip in this problem too much. Plus, Raph felt as if he was going to start a fight, the irritating feeling in his gut making his mind search for answers he couldn't grasp.

"My sons... I thought I had lost you!" their master whispered, looking from one mutant to the other, not daring to say more.

He had seen the odd behavior of the two bigger dragons, the closeness, the warm feeling they let out when they took care of each other. He knew what those two where, and he knew what will happen in the future, given the fact that the blue dragon belonging to his eldest son nearly died. The wise rat knew all too well, but didn't dare to interfere.

Sighting, the atmosphere dens, he motioned to the four teenagers to fallow him to where the Ninja Tribunal was waiting for them. This was the end of their current adventure. Raphael and Leonardo didn't approach each other, the only visible sign that they were troubled by something being the slight frown on the blue clad turtle's forehead and the grimace that the second eldest made. The formalities, the pep talk flied by in seconds, only half of what they heard and seen remaining in their brains. The rumbling deep in their chests was obstructing the other noises, making them def to the outside world.

"Wha... the shell..." Raphael suddenly gasped, his vision blurred, his legs giving away as they were walking to the nearest sewage to their home.

One minute he was standing, his nasty, dangerous personality intact and then he was on the ground, groaning and barely breathing, the pain deep within his heart and mind making him unable to open his eyes. Gasping and moaning something that the other that hovered over him, calling his name desperately, Raph could only open one eye to look straight into Leo's eyes, as if he was apologizing for something.

Through the agitation that the sudden collapse of his second brother, Leo heard a huff coming from within his own soul, a huff that transformed fast into a chuckle. Eyes wide with disbelieve, Leo stood perfectly still, his eyes fixed on the red clad ninja, his ears fixed on the inner universe that he had created in himself so long ago. He could hear the chuckle subsiding, even if he didn't knew the creature that made it. The only image he could picture was that of an immense dark blue space, filled with bubbles and a red two figures that fought for air, two dragons, one blue and one red, the red one rescuing the blue one, with it's huge wings flapping in the water, his muzzle opening the blue dragon's mouth to let some air fill in the other's lungs. The sight was strange and fascinating, something he could never think of. He could feel the bubbles around his skin, but didn't suffocate. He watched as their scales glittered with a cold light maybe from the moon above or from the city lights, he couldn't guess which one, but didn't care. As the red dragon forced some air into the other one's lungs, the hurt reptile fought to get away, hurting the savior in the process, never once opening it's eyes. Bubbles and small waves formed around their bodies as the two-tailed beast tried to pull the blue one up, flashes of red and blue, not to mention the diluted pink of their blood that was both from old wounds and new ones surrounded the two. It was a beautiful show, the movements so chaotic that it seemed to be there for the longest time, as if they were one being.

"_Damn... They fought again... And, of course, they don't know when to stop..."_ his voice, but coming not from his mouth but from another, made it's way to his ears as Leo, the real Leo, turned to face the one that had created the new problems.

It was the blue dragon that showed itself to his searching eyes from the still darkness that was behind him. A huge, beautiful dragon, onyx eyes glimmering at him, eyes that he knew all too well from all the years he had seen them in the mirror. But this eyes, turned into slits, not like his, perfectly round, had a light of their own, something that hypnotized him, the same thing telling him that there was more to those words than they showed.

"_Why are you looking at me like that, my master? Aren't you the one that made me? Aren't I the soul that had fought for the world just a minute ago? Or are you surprised to see me here after you had seen a part of my memories?" _the chuckling began once more, as the two legged dragon came closer to the small turtle as if it was going to play to his prey first and then attack.

"_Don't worry... Unlike your brother's dragon... or should I say our? You and I are the same you know?" _ Leo just stared, unable to open his mouth to ask what he meant. The silence was frustrating, but the dragon, the creature that said that was himself, didn't seem to rush things.

"What's happening? What... who..." the small voice that came out vibrated in the empty space, as the dragon grinned stopping to a halt, right in front of the turtle, look at him, cold eyes fixed into the other, rendering him, yet again, speechless.

"_I am you! The you that you have created through training at the Ninja Tribunal... I am the you that you try to suppress because I represent your desire, your heart, your wishes, the real you!" _ the thundering answer made his stomach do a back flip.

Even if he was a bit scare because of the sheer force the dragon had, Leo didn't show it. It was something he would never show to anyone. But, if this dragon was himself, that meant he already knew what was going on around in his head. Shaking the thoughts out, the turtle eyed the gigantic figure, knowing that everything was true. Sighting, he waited for the fallowing answers.

"_Don't worry... You will get your answers... Right now you should take care of Raphael. His spirit wasn't so kind as to wait for him to realize what he was talking about. A couple of hot heads, but who wouldn't love them..." _the nostalgic look in the dragon's eyes, and the final note in it's tone made Leo look back behind him at the beautiful underwater fight of the two dragons.

Before he could even open his mouth, a blue tail swished through the air, leaving behind it's movements a shiny azure line. The tip hit him so hard in the plastron that made the air in his lungs come out in one painful exhale, as the turtle was thrown out of his own world by the growling dragon. He couldn't understand where this was going or what those words meant. He couldn't understand why this had happened out of sudden. This thing wasn't normal.

'_Can it be that, because I feel strangely attracted to Raph, my inner self reacted? But... why? I mean, the relationship between me and him is impossible. We are brother after all...' _ Leonardo's words cut deep through his own heart, the new sensation making him wince with pain.

Shaking his head, his hand turning into a fist near his heart as he refocused on the real world. Don was above Raph, yelling something to him, but only after a few seconds did he realize what he was saying: Raph had stopped breathing altogether! They couldn't hear his breath and his pulse had vanished as if he had ceased to live. Wide eyes and head full of questions, Leo dropped to his knees, reaching to touch his younger brother.

When his fingers caressed the warm reptilian skin, the dark green turtle suddenly gasped for air, cursing out loud, tears running down his cheeks as he choked on his own attempts to breath. Shocked, the sea green turtle helped him up, tilting his head upwards to see his face, even if Raphael, with every attempt, brushed him off.

"That's enough, Fearless!... I'm... OK!" the red terrapin managed to say between breaths as he looked straight into his brother's face.

Leo opened his mouth to ask him what he had seen and what happened when Raph just pushed him away, his eyes cold and uncaring. That was something that the second never did to his brothers, even if they always fought. He always had a motive behind his actions, even if he never told them what it was. But this, this was different from the usual Raphael. The light in his eyes was different!

"_It's all in your mind, master! You see strange things were there are none... Look at him and then at yourself! You two complete each other more than you think!" _the strange words coming from his inner self, made his head start to spin.

This wasn't happening. Closing his eyes, Leo felt himself fell. Panicking, he opened his eyes yet again, only to be met with the ceiling of his own room. When did he get there, and where were his brothers? Getting up in a sitting position, Leo grabbed his head in the palms of his hands, grinding his teeth. What was happening to the world? Right after they had regain consciousness the world had turned upside down and everything just... fell apart. What was that creature that he had created? How come he still lived inside him even if the Ninja Tribunal had taken away their talismans? Was he even real?

As he tried to figure things out, a small knock on his door dragged his attention to the person that requested him. His reddened eyes mode contact with beautiful yellow, and his heart skipped a beat. What did Raphael want from him right now?

"Ar' yea OK, Leo? Ye seem troubled by something... Plus, ye got Mickey worried when you collapsed all of a sudden after you talked to the Ninja Tribunal..." the red clad terrapin trailed off, approaching his bed.

Wide eyes, turned away, a pained smile tugging at his lips, as he flopped back down on his pillows, covering his eyes with his hand. So all that was a dream. A quite vivid one, that made his stomach and brain ache. Sighting with relief, but still feeling the burden on his chest, Leo uncovered one of his eyes when his bed squeaked, Raphael sitting down on the opposite edge.

"How long was I out?" he dared to ask, though he feared the answer.

"Hmm... About two days... " Raph said as he looked up.

'_So he doesn't want to look me in the eyes... Not that I want to. I still feel like a freak for thinking about those things. I wonder if what my inner self was true: that we are made for one another... I wonder if what I feel right now is normal or right... I wish I could talk to him about these feelings, about what happened... I want to know if he feels like I do...' _his thoughts brought tears to his eyes.

Rubbing away, unaware that his younger brother was looking at him with a pained expression, as his muscles contracted, his body wanting to embrace the crying turtle, Leo cringed in a unknown pain, his bottled up feelings escaping. This wasn't in the plan! The loneliness and the want should have stayed with him till the end of his days. This wasn't normal for him! Where was his mask, where had his strength vanish? And the worst part was that he couldn't blame it on the appearance of that dragon. He couldn't through everything on him, because he knew all too well how he felt, what he wanted and from who he wanted those things. But he could never make him understand. He would never agree, the idea being gruesome enough to make him shut himself up in fear of the repercussions. His family would never like it, and all he could do was make them disappear. But, right now, he needed Raphael more then he had always did.

"Ye shouldn't cry like that, Leo... It makes me want to jump ya, being so defenseless an' all... " the forest green turtle barely whispered, his face hidden away by the darkness.

As the words made themselves to the older turtle's ears, Leo froze, forgetting all about the resolve he had come up with. Had he heard wrong? It couldn't be that...

"Ya haven't heard wrong... I just... Look Fearless, I don't know what came over me all of a sudden, but I don't want to see ye crying. There is something in me that finally cracked an'... An' I can't understand what's so... That is why... I ... Shell..." the flustered turtle said, scratching his head, looking at his brother expecting to see a disgusted look.

But, to his surprise, Leo just looked at him, tears making his face glow in the dim candle light. He looked at Raph expecting more, even if he had understood what was happening. He couldn't believe it.

"_You better believe it! This is what being made for each other meant! God! And it took you forever to realize!" _ two voices this time, spoke in their heads as the two small dragons materialized between them on the bed: the red and the blue one. They looked at their owners and just huffed, tails and wings flapping and swishing.

It was strange to look at them and then look at each other, but they felt as if this was what they always wanted. Snarling and churning, the dragons attacked each other, or so it seemed, because, in the blink of an eye, they were gone, and Raph and Leo couldn't see if they did launch at one another or if they did what they thought they did. Still looking at the spot where their two inner selves where just minutes ago, they realized that they were completely alone. No voices, no scratching at their soul walls, nothing. Just themselves and their hearts.

Gulping, feeling the rush of heat to his cheeks, Leo stole glances at the moving body next to his. It seemed that Raph was finding something amusing, but, he didn't have the courage just yet to ask what it was. He could only watch and marvel at the gorgeous site that his smiling face presented. The way his body shook with laughter was excruciatingly beautiful. It felt so nice to have his heated body near his. Leo really thought that, if he had enough courage, he could reach out an touch that smiling face, caress it and love it for the rest of his life. But, right now, the only thing he could do was to hide in the shadows, the embarrassment being too much for him to handle all at once.

"Ye know what Leo?" the sudden question from the hot head made the older turtle gasp and jolt in bed, as he retreated to the end of it.

"Wh...What?" the finally managed to ask, seeing that Raph didn't want to continue on his own. It was strange, this love he felt, this rush of emotions to his heart. It was strange to feel it out of a sudden.

'_But... I've got the feeling that this wasn't out of the blue... This situation...' _ he continued his thoughts as Raph turned his head, crocked on one side, to look at his brother, without moving his body much.

"This is the first time I have to face my own emotions like this... That self of mine... That's a pretty fucked up situation, but something tells me we always had those feelings, being the only ones of our kind... I could say that it was inevitable to happen... So don't force yerself too much to understand, Leo. This had to happen at some point!" the calculated tone of the one that always reacted out of impulse made the leader stare impolitely.

How come Raphael, the strangest out of the four, Raphael the hot head, ready any time to fight, the one that never listened, had such a serene face when discussing this problem? This had to be a dream of some kind. The possibility that the red clad terrapin would react like that when faced with the fact that he had romantic feelings towards his own brother, was... zero.

'_And how come I came to agree with something like this? This must be a nightmare, not a dream. My feelings can't be these! They can't... And Raph... He can't... he couldn't feel the same since... He can't!' _ the desperate tone in his own mind reflected on his face, and, even if he was hidden by the obscurity in the room, his brother sow it all.

The forest green turtle stared at the changes in his brother's demeanor without making any kind of sound or movement, waiting for something, even if he couldn't say what. He waited for his brother to come to some kind of end in his seemingly endless discussion with himself. And when that came, his eyes turned into slits, knowing before hand what Leo would say.

"This can't be happening! This is a nightmare! You know that by admitting you like me, you cross any limit of normality that we have since long ago acquired? So you can't... Not you of all people! I can't picture you being like this... How can we... How about our father? Or our brothers? We..." Leo started to say, using his hands for emphasis, not even once locking eye contact with Raphael, who, as he went on, became more and more irritated by his kin.

"Just shut it, Fearless! I don't think they will say anything!" the mumbling voice, strong in the silence that fallowed when his brother stopped his ranting, stroke a cord in Leo's heart.

So, he feared nothing. He didn't think that what they were about to do was wrong. But...

But before he could even continue with the pros and cons of the whole situation, the sudden movement of the bigger turtle made Leo gasp and yell in surprise. Pining his brother on the bed, his heads held securely on top of his head with one hand, Raphael stared deeply into his squirming brother's eyes, not making a sound, as Leo fought to regain control of his body, trashing his legs. But, even if Leo was the undisputed leader of the gang, being strong and wise as master Splinter had once said, he couldn't throw his brother off, not even one bit. The only thing he could do was stare back into those mesmerizing orbs and gulp, unable to anticipated what his younger brother wanted to do next. Not that he really, really minded, but the sheer thought of his father disapproving their relationship made his heart ache. For some reason, he wanted for them to continue without worrying about what their family and friends would say. He wanted to be free of the emotional burden he always carried around.

Tugging at his immobilized hands and wiggling his lower body under the hold of his brother, Leo turned his head to one side, starring at the flame of one of his candles. It hurt his eyes, but it was better than to look into the smothering heat that those golden orbs possessed. A small growl and a painful squeeze on his wrists made him understand that Raphael wasn't pleased with his reaction.

"Look at me, Leo!" the husky tone made his skin crawl, but he didn't dare to move his head. "Fine then!" the final tone made his heart beat faster.

The searching free hand on his plastron made his hold his breath. This was wrong in so many ways, but hold a rightness in it that made Leo munch at his lower lip, still looking away from his dominating brother. Calloused finders and palm pushed gently at the opening in his plastron, caressing his awakening erection but not freeing it, as if the bigger terrapin was waiting for the moment when he would crack and beg for more. God damn his pride, but more than that, God damn Raphael: he was way too good in making him squirm under his close ministrations.

"Ye know I don't really care about the small talk that will come out of this. Ye know that all I ever wanted was to be here for ya an' all the others, but, if ya don't let go of that stupid pride of yers then I'll continue to bang on yer door till ye let me in. Leo, even if your father will disagree with our relationship he'll come to accept it at some point. I do love ya, more than a brother, an' I know that ye fell the same! Now... Don't make me be rough!" Raphael whispered, hot breath tickling the sensitive skin on his brother's neck, as his tongue barely grazed it, only a phantom of it's existence there.

Unable to stop the responses of his body, feeling betrayed by it, Leo realized with absolute horror that he was moaning and bucking his hips against Raph's hand, wanting more. The snicker and the glee in those sunny orbs made his stomach do a back flip, but he still refused to look his brother straight in the eyes. He was right, though. He wanted to be free, to feel without thinking about anything else but the caresses of his lover, but he couldn't indulge himself just yet.

"You...can't... Raph... This isn't... normal!" he said between gasps as he threw his head back, exposing his neck to the hungry hot head.

"To hell with normality! Ye want me or not?" the rough question made Leo whimper.

'_Of course I want you, you oaf! But I can't really have you until I have the approval of my own soul!' _ the sword wilder barked in his own mind, a snarl appearing on his features.

"_The what are you waiting for? Don't you love him since long ago? Don't you feel the need of always feeling him close? Do you like the idea of him being stolen by someone else? He can, you know, go to someone that needs him! He is gorgeous enough to make anyone come to him, both male and female. But right now, he's with you! What are you doing over thinking this?" _the last remains of his dragon's voice, horsed and needy, vibrated through him, making him loose the feeble control he had gained over his body.

Of course he didn't want to loose Raphael! He cared more about him than he would ever know, but he couldn't just express himself like that. It was easy for Raph to do it, because it was in his nature, but Leo could never let his guard down like that. Not now at least!

"Fine then... I won't push ya, seeing that ye don't really want me right now..." huffed all of a sudden Raph, as Leo's eyes popped open.

Dominant as he might be, Raphael didn't want to force his lover into submission like that. He didn't want to make Leo regret being with him. If this approval from their family was so important to his brother, then he will have to keep all his desires to himself for a bit longer, till they will get it. Rubbing his head and eyes, Raph got off of Leo, getting off the bed and sitting down as far away as he could from the object of his restrained desires. He couldn't look at his leader, sadness in his eyes, but he had to. He had to make sure that Leo didn't hate him for the forceful actions earlier.

To his surprise, he could only see passion in those eyes, something that he hadn't seen for the longest time. It made his erection cry out for a relies, though he couldn't push his brother again. He could just hope that the passion and neediness in his brother will surface and that Leo would come to him of his own free will.

'_When did Raph change like this? When did he become so strong and so... '_ the swelling of pride and want in his heart finally burst as the thought of his father's words crossed his mind, liberating him of any inhibition that he might have had.

"Be what you want to be, my son. Love the way you need to love, but love non the less. Remember this thing Leonardo: when you will find the one that will change for your sake, even if your wishes will not be very easy to comply to, keep that person close no matter what. Don't worry about what I will say, because I won't disapprove. You are my son and as much as I love you, I know that our happiness is hard to attain. So keep that love close and never let go of it. Everything will work out in the end!"

Closing his eyes one final time, a smile curling his lips, Leo surprised Raph by approaching his stiff body and circling his neck with his hands, his smaller nose touching the others in a approving manner. This was going to be fun.

Inhaling the intoxicating smell that Leo's pheromones let off, Raph just stayed very still waiting to see if Leo wanted to continue the small foreplay they had done before or not. But when his brother's mouth touched his, a blush tainting his skin, Raph gave in and kissed him back. His tongue lashed out, circling the other's lips, asking for permission as he shifted his weight on the bed, encircling the smaller terrapin's form, pushing him backwards on the bed. When Leo shyly gave permission, Raph took full advantage, plunging his tongue deep into the moist cavern, battling the other's tongue till he won.

Biting his lips, Raph kissed one more time deeply, his hands wondering on the body under him, searching for sensitive spots. When they broke away from the heated kiss that made their bodies melt, gasping for air, Raph moved his head downwards, trailing small open mouthed kisses on the other's skin, stopping on the spot between Leo's neck and shoulder, sucking and licking, making his brother trash his legs, listening with a pleased smile on his lips as Leo moaned his name, eyes burning with want. As his fingers massaged the soft flesh on the other's hips, the dominant terrapin bit down on the other's shoulder, yearning himself a pleased gasp and a groan of want, as Leo's hips bucked, brushing on the spot where Raph's erection awaited to be freed.

Moaning, the jade colored turtle, thrust his hips forward, creating a delicious friction between their bodies, hoisting Leo's hips a bit more in the air, so that he could feel the need he had for him. Kissing his brother full on the mouth, tongues exploring, never once stopping, Raph found himself in the difficult position of stopping himself from opening Leo's legs as wide as he could and thrust deep into him. Growling deep in his throat, Raph pinned Leo's exploring hands on top of his head and then shifted his weight so that he could go down south on the other's body, freeing with his free hand, Leo's erection. Moaning, tears glistering in his eyes, Leo watched, fascinated, as his bigger brother licked his lips, parting his legs. When the tip of that wide tongue touched the head of his erection, Leo couldn't stop himself from both moaning and pushing his hips upwards, taking Raphael by surprise. When did his brother acquire those kind of skills?

Circling with his tongue the weeping head, tasting the beads of pre-cum and groaning with pleasure, the vibrations making Leo loose all his thoughts and capabilities of thinking and talking, Raph opened his mouth wider, taking his brother's length as far as he could, sucking and licking, leaving butterfly kisses along the length from time to time, pushing Leo closer to the edge with every deep throat and hard suck. Groaning and churning, the blue clad turtle bit his hand hard as his brother intensified his sucks and then slowed down, gasping for air when he scraped the sensitive tip with his teeth and the kissed it, sucking at it hard right after. It didn't take long for Leo to jump over the edge, groaning Raph's name, coming in his mouth. Liking the taste, pleased that his brother felt so good, the hot head drank everything, his eyes never once leaving Leo's face, his own eyes mirroring his brother's, both clouded with heat, devious and needy. Growling, Raphael got up on his elbows, pulling his lover's legs on his shoulders, licking one of his fingers, his eyes darkening as he watched Leo whimpering watching the movement of his tongue on the skin. Lowering his body, Raph kissed Leo with force, stating once and for all that he was de dominant one, and, as he distracted his partner's attention, he pushed his slick digit into Leo's awaiting opening, massaging his restless tail with his free hand when the lighter turtle bucket, trying to get away from the invading object.

Tears falling from his eyes, Leo pulled his bandana off, moaning when Raph alternated the movements of his hand with sucks and licks on his neck, his hands anchoring his body to the one above, fearing that, too much pleasure will make him crumble. As the thrust of that one digit continued, sometimes hard other times slow, making Leo build up another erection, huffing with pleasure, Raph couldn't take his eyes off his lover. Never in his entire life, with all the fantasies he had made till then, never could he have pictured a site more erotic then this: green skin glowing with sweat, slick and hot, onyx eyes hazed with pleasure, mouth open with the small pink tongue picking from dark lips, tears making those same eyes look surreal, small droplets of saliva trickling down a round chin, and that mesmerizing blush that adorned Leo's cheeks, all of it made his body cry in pain of not being able to release. Barely breathing, Raph pulled out his own aching member and started to massage it softly, puffing hot air on Leo's neck, his eyes closed in concentration. He couldn't put it in his brother's body, he was too big and it would hurt him like hell. Groaning, his tongue slipping between his lips, as he touched the swollen tip, pre-cum slicking his hand and member, the red clad terrapin barely heard his brother's moaned request.

"Put... Put it in, Raph! I need to feel... feel you inside me!" the out of breath Leo mumbled, grabbing Raph's hands, urging him to comply.

"But... " tried Raph to reason with his brother, but the demanding and stubborn older turtle just shook his head, his hand lightly grabbing his member and gently pulling him to his opening.

Unable to resist, the sai wielder turtle, held Leo's legs along his body, and probed the entrance, shaking with want, sweat trickling down his forehead and whole body, creating a great site for Leo's searching gaze. He was just as beautiful, slick green skin with ripped muscles showing, partially hidden in darkness, eyes half closed, golden orbs glowing with their own light as he focused on the need in his lower region, never forgetting about his lover's, always taking care of the one that was with him, rather than taking care of himself. Fixing his gaze on the slightly opened mouth of his lover, Leonardo felt another rush of heated blood going to his cock, making it ache with the need of release. It was such a turn on, the way the red tip picked between the lips, white teeth barely showing, but still glowing white, canines showing in a sneer, as Raph pushed the tip inside of his lover. Feeling the bulge head of his lover's erection stretching his rectal muscles to an impossible dimension, Leo grabbed Raph's shoulders, pulling him closer and accidentally making him enter even further all of a sudden. Throwing his head back, grinding his teeth together, tears falling from his eyes, pain and pleasure coursing throw his veins, unable to talk, Leo urged his dominating pare to continue and shed himself fully in him. Knowing that, and seeing his lover in pain, Raph thrust one last time, groaning when he felt the tight fit around his pulsing member, and waited for Leo to adjust to his size.

"I... I could... have never guess... you were s-... so big... Raphael..." the whimpering tone of the smaller turtle made the forest green one chuckle, as he planted butterfly kisses on the salty skin, licking away the glowing droplets of tears.

Moaning, Leo thrust his hips, winching at the pain, but wanting to feel the movement of his lover inside him, wanting to feel how he was filled to the point that he couldn't breathe. Growling deep in his throat, Raph got out, till only his head remained inside and then plunged inside again, this time a bit more gentle, listening to the hisses that Leo made, repeating the motions till his brother pushed back, with more force. As the thrust got deeper and faster, and as they both started to loose their minds to the sensations that they gave one another, Leo felt his soul being united with Raph's, and even heard him curse a couple of time, saying how fucking perfect he felt. It was strange, to feel so connected with someone, especially someone like Raphael, but it was... just right.

Holding hands and kissing, looking into each other's eyes, the both pushed their bodies beyond any limit that they ever made it go. Churns and moans, stifling their screams whenever Raph hit that special spot in Leo, always alternating his thrusts, they reached their climax together, kissing so that wouldn't yell out their release.

"Not... I'm not done yet..." moaned Raph, turning a dazed Leo on his stomach, plunging again, his member still pulsing with need.

Yelling in surprise, Leo fisted his hands into his sheets, barely holding on as Raph pounded away in him, hard and deep, filling him so much that he felt he will never be able to sit again. Huffing, moaning and barely breathing, his face turned to one side so that Raph could kiss him, deep and passionate, sucking away the small quantity of air he could get in his burning body, Leo nearly screamed in ecstasy when Raph's hand found his weeping erection and started to pump it in the same rhythm as his thrust, as he nibbled at his neck, whispering things that he couldn't fully comprehend, his mind fuzzy with passion. When Raphael became hectic in his thrusts, nearing his second release, Leo's world became black as he came, throat dry, mouth hanging open and eyeballs turning in his head, tears running down his cheeks. It didn't take long for the jade terrapin to finish, his mouth moving to form his lover's name, but no sound escaping his lips.

Retracting from the shaking body, Raph fell on the soaking bed, cradling Leo in his arms, his hands, tired as they were, caressing the other's skin, as he fought to take control over all the functions of his body. For the fist time in a long time he felt alright, happy and fulfilled. Even the sticky feeling of their skins touching felt like heaven for him, something that he usually didn't like – contrary to popular believes that he didn't like to take baths. Tilting his head so he could look at Leo, the only thing he sow was his slipping face. Huffing, humming something to himself, Raphael closed his eyes, falling to a peaceful sleep. Unknown to them, a pair of amused eyes watched them, wise and full of understanding.

"So, now I have to deal with my sexually active sons... I guess there's no stopping it, but I wish they will hurry up and tell me, so that they will not start fights over the smallest things like I think they will..." the old rat sensei clicked his tongue, turning around and walking to his own room.

He had went to see how his eldest son was, and ended up hearing the small talk between his two songs and just hurried away after he understood what they were talking about. And they were quite the match, he could add. But, after all, he could never blame them, accusing them for being in love with each other when they had no one else to turn to. The only problem he had to discuss with them was that, after all ended, all the problems and discussions, they should remain together no matter what. That, even if something bad will happen that would separate them, they should find a way to get back together, because they were all they had in this world. But, until that came up, he will just watch over them. Hopefully they will get along better by being lovers then by being brothers. Hopefully!

Till then, they would sleep peacefully together, without any care in the world. At least, till they will wake up.

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_**A/N:**_ hope you liked it! I sure did take my time writing it lol

Leave some comments, because more will come as time passes :D This is just a try, me thinking I can win something XD

Much love to you all!


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